What is it about popcorn? Today I followed a customer who left a trail of popcorn all the way down the corridor to his screen. Was he bothered? Of course not. Food and drink is not cheap in the cinema yet the wastage is phenomenal. Popcorn is undeniably more-ish but why is it treated so uncaringly. What the heck if so much ends up on the floor? I’ve got so much to eat! So what if I spent a small fortune on it, I knew I would never finish it all. And it’s gets no better with the coke either.

Popcorn is the root of all evil for multifunctionals. They just know where small kids or young teenagers are involved the screen is going to be swimming in the stuff. Have you ever tried sweeping up popcorn off a carpet? Food of the devil.

It’s a Saturday afternoon and Step Up 2 and Meet the Spartans is bringing in the kids and young teenagers. The latter group bring in their own food: Pringles and crisps in general are popular – we don’t sell crisps.

Three weeks in to the job Multifunctionals are being gently pushed into areas they excel at: there are a couple of level headed women on the box office; a couple of men on the bar; one woman regularly on Concessions. The rest are being moved between concessions and the floor. Box Office requires a little knowledge and experience to overcome the wide range of obscure options – it can be off-putting messing about with coupons and cards. Concessions is not popular because the queues build up suddenly and customers, late for their film, get arsey. And the hot dogs are hated. Pick ‘n’ Mix is frankly boring – stood around with few customers hours on end. The bar is also a careful choice – some woman cannot pull a pint.

The Floor is a poisoned chalice, cleaning screens is the worst option in the cinema – but is preferred by some to serving food. Being on the Drop Box is a misunderstood role and many get into deep trouble with the bosses. They think it’s an easy option ripping tickets until they have strips torn off them for dirty screens and crowded corridors.

It was anarchy on legs. I had just checked every screen’s fire exits, came out of the final screen to be confronted by a confused and annoyed mob of parents with their children blocking the whole corridor. Some had tickets, some claimed they were told by box office they did not need them. All thought it was a mess. We had no radios to ask anyone. We didn’t have managers at first. The customers were crowded outside one screen for three different films. And for no obvious reason. What was going on at the drop box? Why were they not queueing inside the tensile barrier? The day had just begun.

Its Saturday morning, the supervisor is hung over from all nite clubbing. I turn up and am asked what I want to do today – so I go for the floor. No game plan of what we all should be doing then. A multi functional is missing and won’t turn up till midday claiming his drunken flat mates kept him awake till late. No mention of an alarm clock there. Eventually a manager turns up and the annoyed crowd is split into three and directed to their movie auditorium. Thank goodness they are not paying today.

Saturday morning is Juniors Day and parents get in free today as a one-off for its launch. It’s normally a pound a film and it’s going to be a hit. Children are going to eat a lot of popcorn – not all of it because the auditorium will be a mess with the rest – and drink a lot of coke. So the real money is made on concessions. That’s a heck of a lot of children hyper on fizzy drinks.

When customers arrive with their tickets at the drop box there is nothing to work with at first. Then I am given a manila envelope to put receipts in. Then lists of what films are on where and when the come out so they can be cleaned. But the supervisor is freaking out because there is no game plan. Managers and supervisors from other sites take it in turns to impart their knowledge and how things should be done but it’s all conflicting. I go off to close screens for cleaning and when four films end at the same time we are harangued by different supervisors and managers to clean different screens as customers attempt to wander in. But it’s all our fault.

I get to have a break during the day by asking for one – there is no schedule of when staff take breaks. One loser is threatening to walk because he can’t have a break after only one hour on shift and is deeply unhappy about having to wait two more.

I am happy to stay on the floor – no one working seems to know what to do on the Ben and Jerries ice cream counter. We’ve all had the training but there is no substitute for the real thing and the approach here is clearly thus 1) get allocated a role, 2) stand there and panic, 3) do something – anything – when approached and asked by a customer, 4) confirm you have been trained when questioned by a supervisor/manager, but that was for under an hour about 2-3 weeks ago, and 5) five minutes with a manager and get on with it.

Concessions feels the pain of being thrown in the deep end. At the Drop Box I implore customers to enjoy their film as I rip their tickets but they grumble about being late as concessions is slow. The lack of staff means the managers from other sites actually have to do some work rather than wander round giving confusing advice. It’s welcome to see one out on the floor with a dustpan and brush.

Nothing goes to plan but, hey, there is no game plan. A cubicle in the ladies is a mess so I close it. A urinal in the Gents is flooded but it’s not overflowing so that’s okay. A supervisor asks two of the male multifunctionals to sort out one of the ladies and they bluff her by saying they can’t. She reports them. Hilariously, male managers end up unblocking a toilet in the ladies.

At some point there needs to be leadership from within the staff of the site, not those from other sites, there needs to be trained supervisors quickly, otherwise, the kids will lose heart and give up bothering out of loss of motivation.

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