Enjoy The Film

1. Do come to the right cinema. Don’t argue that we don’t have your tickets, you should be at our rival up the road. What does it say about you that you have managed to turn up at the wrong cinema? We are not impressed, nor are your family who will now be late for their film.

2. Don’t change your concessions order after we give you your food. We have to write it off as damages and void the order. We won’t like you for that. Our managers blame us when you decide to have a hot dog instead of nachos AFTER we give you your nachos.

3. When we ask you if you would like to “go large for 50p” you say “yes.” We need to get our average sales per person up or get beaten up by the manager.

4. Don’t bring your own food. The smell of a burger in the screen really pisses off the other customers.

5. Do turn up before the actual film starts. If the screen is sold out, your seat is on the front row. No one sits there. And we can hear you moaning in the queue for popcorn but did you allow time for that?

6. Do look at us when you are talking to us. Why do so many customers find it demeaning to look us in the face when we serve them. You get extra ice in your drink for that.

7. Don’t complain at the ridiculous prices at Concessions. Yeh we know. You know why we know? Because we earn less than you.

8. Don’t pretend you are under 15 years old to get a child ticket. We know we’ll see you in the pub afterwards.

9. Don’t tell us the screen is the size of your living room because it isn’t. We know some of our screens seat only 130 people but, hey, there are 12 screens here and that means more choice. That means some of our screens are smaller; you can’t have it both ways.

10. Do respond when we say “Enjoy the Film.” We know we have to say it but we are not robots (well, maybe some of the floor staff are), and we get through our day by having pleasant small talk with our customers. We try to make your visit special but it’s amazing how many of you grumble at the slightest thing.