Enjoy The Film

My head hurts. I know it’s partly from a lack of sleep. But it’s also from doing a job I did not sign up to do. Excuse me, but can somebody, anybody, tell me what my actual job is here?

I was trained to supervise the cockporn monkeys and lick the tight asses of the managers but some days I just don’t get the opportunity. Take today, I am starting in the afternoon and already some of the rota’d staff are missing. So my first task is to spread a thin human resource even further. At one point when we usually have four floor staff we are left with one whining snail. Damn, It’s so depressing, there are three screens full of popcorn to clean, and she can’t manage one. No amount of charm or persuasion seems to get her out of first gear.

My next unwanted task is to ask three teenage members of our travelling community to leave a screen. They have been warned by the multifunctionals to stop making a racket during the film. Their response is to scream, pour popcorn over each other and run off into another screen and then into the toilets. As we have no security guard today the shopping centre security guards are called over and it takes four of them to drag these feral lowlifes out of the complex.

Then I’m off to tackle a another travelling couple busy tongue lashing each other in a private box, and finally a large group of youngsters going ape in a screen, nicking other customer’s popcorn and being abusive. Oh, the Summer holidays are just so much fun with nothing to do but annoy others. Again, it takes the centre’s security guards to drag these foul mouthed spotty creatures outside.

There is now only one security guard employed here. One was incompetent and the other preferred working with CCTV. If he’s not on duty we pick up these problems. So I am a security guard now as well as covering the job of hung over students, work shy wasters and numbnuts who can’t remember what shift their on.